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Slave Nuns
Through the magic of avatars, bad animation, and people with too much time on their hands, you can now work out all of your repressed Catholic school angst with "Slave Nuns". Through countless images of "nuns extradited to strange rituals" or "bad crucified big-titted avatar ladies" as I like to call them, you can whack the night away, dispelling a little more of your boyhood frustration with every load you squeeze off. Fantastic!
05.19.08, Category: Why?
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Slut fed up
This is a behind the scenes look at straight porn and this slut is one angry whore! She is so mad that no one can aim to hit her in the mouth. Where's your aim buddy? Straight men with no target accuracy! Shame on you stupid!
05.12.08, Category: Why?
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eXtreme Fucking!
I think its safe for me to say you guys know this is stupid porn. Come on...on and ATV while your driving it, you would get a gazillion points off your licence for that. Plus fucking in the air suspended below a cliff is not only dangerous because the roap can snap think of the wind currents. Don't you guys know that you can slam into the sharp jagged rocks below or next to you if you fuck too rough? I guess it is kinda hot to live on the edge or in their case over the edge!
05.05.08, Category: Why?
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Scalpel, pussy, finger, what?
There should be something said about a girl who would like to be fingered in her pussy while someone shoves a scalpel up there. I just want to know where in her mind does she think that's a safe thing to do...she's just stupid no other word can describe her!
04.28.08, Category: Why?
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Frosty Fuck
I just don't know what to say. I know alot of people get turned on by the danger involved in outdoors sex but when it comes to that, there must be a limit. This woman is having sex with a snowman and by the smile on his face he must be enjoying it. I have a few questions like: isn't here pussy cold? Are her nips hard? Is he well endowed? Nonetheless snowmen fucking women, or fucking at all...that's just stupid!
04.21.08, Category: Ouch!
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Squash you ass!
All I can say after seeing that video is wow. Can someone really enjoy shoving vegetables up their ass? Not only vegetables either fruits, two oranges to be precise. There's only one thing I have to say to him: buddy you are putting that in the wrong end, stupid!
04.14.08, Category: Food Fight
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Ogre Love!
There are some people that enjoy being slammed by a 40 ft. ogre and ravaged by a basilik or whatever that big monster with the tencles is. To me, however, it doesn't seem to be very enjoyable, i would doubt that there is any way to not writhe in pain from that mammoth of a dick. I know its anime but come on at least show something that is close to being a situation that can happen!
04.07.08, Category: Ouch!
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Tentacle Porn?
I don't know how this is so much porn as it is just some random weird thought of some nerd. Here we have little girls attacked by mutated outlaws? Ok it has been said before but now I really mean it this is some stupid shit!
03.31.08, Category: Why?
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Um...yea
Erupting pussy's and female ejaculation is something that we touched on before. This "eruption" is nothing that we particulary know how to categorize, seeing that its coming out of her ass. We do have theories and one of them is that its actually milk that is coming out of her ass. Someon needs to tell that girl milk comes out of your boobs not your ass, stupid!
03.24.08, Category: Why?
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Close Encounters Of the Third Cock
This is quite possibly the nerdiest porn concept I've ever seen! This is perfect for the straight boy who spends hours a day masturbating to Star Trek reruns. Sexy Barbarella-esque (Boobarella?) girls are invaded and probed by some losers in alien suits. Its hilarious. Mr Sulu, Warp speed!
03.17.08, Category: Why?
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Cream Of the Cock
Have problems with the taste of cum? Find it a little too salty for you? It’s a simple problem to solve. Just spray a ton of canned whipped cream all over your face just before he shoots. I mean, who doesn't keep one of those right next to the bed? Apparently this girl does. It seems fairly pointless to me, since she keeps her mouth closed tight for the facial, and doesn't get any cum in her mouth anyway. As for the "bitch ass dude" punching out the videographer, there's no way in hell that wasn't staged.
03.10.08, Category: Food Fight
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Thar She Blows
Put on your ponchos and grab your umbrellas folks because that pussy's going to blow! Just like "Old Faithful" these geyers erupt on a regular basis. Basically the site features girls who shoot a lot of, well...something out of their ginas. I'm not sure if its water, or if its pee, or perhaps its even its female ejaculation as the site would like for us to believe. Whatever it is, its gross! Caution: Erupting pussy ahead!
03.03.08, Category: Why?
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Beauty and the Beastiality
Things were rough back in ancient times. Food was scare, plagues were rampant, and apparently there was a seriously shortage of decent tail. This is evident in this ancient sculpture in which a couple of dudes are tag-teaming a horse. Maybe the other people around weren't especially attractive or maybe they just thought that particular horse was really hot. I don't know, but I'm with that woman in the background there. I'm covering my eyes.
2.25.08, Category: Animals
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E.T. Fuck Home
I stared at this for about 15 minutes totally speechless before I could even begin to think about what to say about it. It's a dude fucking E.T., or girl E.T. E.Tina? I mean...where do I even start? At first I was transfixed by the quality of the costume. Someone actually spent a lot of time with latex and makeup to make this happen. Then I stared into space for a while wondering how long that poor woman sat in the makeup chair for. I think this one pretty much speaks for itself. Its as creepy as it is fascinating. If the guy fucking her is named Elliot I'll die.
02.18.08, Category: Why?
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Don't Get Your Panties In a Wad
Mom's going to be seriously pissed off when she finds out you did "dirty things" in her favorite pair of stocking's. After all, they weren't really designed to hold big floppy dongs. If you like twinky boys in floral fishnets then you've come to the right place. Not to nitpick, but I can't help but notice the complete and total absence of actual panties on the site. Not that I noticed. Not that I wear them. Not that I love the feel of smooth silky lady panties against my...Nevermind.
02.11.08, Category: Why?
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Black On Write
With illiteracy being such a huge problem in this country its nice to see that the civic-minded individuals over at WifeWriting.Com are stepping up to the plate and doing something about it! Black-cock-loving married white women in their 20's can now get an English lesson along with their dose of 10 inch ebony cock. Writing things like "insert cock here" can also serve as an instructional for less savvy would be fuckers new to the scene. The whole concept is ridiculous, but I love the idea of these girls taking the bus home with "Black cock only!" written on their foreheads in bold permanent marker.
02.04.08, Category: Porn as a Second Language
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Little Red Riding Whore
What a huge cock you have Grandma, the better to fuck you with my dear! Just what we needed, another pleasant childhood memory forever soiled. This site takes an innocent trip to Grandma's house and turns it into a full on gang-bang. This time though the "big bad Wolf" has friends and little red riding hood gets ridden in an entirely different way than when my Mom told the story. Its even all written in rhyme. Classic!
01.28.08, Category: Why?
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Grandpa...cum on me?
Grandpa no! Get out of my orgy! I'm not really sure where to begin with this. Basically 5 or 6 frat boys get together and take turns fucking Father Time. Peel back the wrinkles, find the hole and you're good to go I guess. Gross.
01.21.08, Category: Fugly
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Singing Penis
Somebody thought a singing penis was sexy enuf to put the dough behind the expensive CGI equipment to do this budding Pavarotti right. What they never figured is that listeners like their music from the horse's mouth and their staffs of choice to make music in other ways. Thank God the dick ain't tone deaf!
01.19.08, Category: Why?
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Handi-fuckable
We like the handi-capable as much as anyone, but a site specifically catering to people who fetishize the disabled kinda gives us the creeps. You have to respect the internet for its variety though. If Oseogenis Imperfecta gets you hot (and you know it does), I guess this is the place to go!
01.14.08, Category: Why?
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Happy New Year Barney!
Undoubtably, two horny lesbians holed up alone in a motel room has become so humdrum, no one is likely to crease the knees of their suit, poking an eye through the keyhole. Enter Barney, the megazilla of menage a trois's, accompanied by a heavy metal soundtrack!
1.11.08, Category: Animals
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Avatar Sex
I will say something about avatar sex and I will only say one thing. Please have real sex...and not just simulated sex with an avatar, get a life people!
01.07.08, Category: Porn as a Second Language
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Dildo Monster
It's been said before and it will once again need to be stated: straight people are crazy! Who would think that some monster covered in dildoes is really porn come on.
12.31.07, Category: Why?
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Phone Sex
It's a good thing its only women that are stupid enough to take phone sex to mean shoving the phone up her twat. Umm....need I say stupid or is it already implied?
12.24.07, Category: Porn as a Second Language
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Merry Christmas Fido!
Chew toys are definately and apporpriate gift for fido, your small but energetic dog. A sex doll, however, is not an appropriate toy and should not be given to him. Since when do dogs need sex dolls what's next their own brand of lubricant?
12.17.07, Category: Animals
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Gothic Who?
I could understand the facsination with elvira, she has big boobs but the fascination should end there. These sluts are playing up on Buffy the vampire slayer too much someone please slay these stupid sluts!
12.10.07, Category: Porn as a Second Language
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Nitey Night
You see we can understand the fascination with asses but why when they are sleeping? It seems to be the case that his rimming was so boring these girls fell alseep! hey stupid smarten up only gay guys can give a good rim job and they would not waste their skills on those holes!
12.03.07, Category: Why?
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Steeped all Over!
Apparently being trampled on women is not only a straight man's folly but also his dreams. Who knows wats going through these guys' heads but i'll tell you one thing heels belong on the floor not in te crack of my back!
11.26.07, Category: Ouch!
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I'm Crushed
I can understand the heels and the bra but i'm not so sure about the shrimp thats under that heel. I know people get off on a whole host of things but I think PETA is going to have to intervene. Its great to get off but not at the expense of a helpless animal!
11.19.07, Category: Animals
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Something Silky
These straight guys these days will come up with any reason to get into a woman's underwear but the pantyhose...that might be a step too far. I can understand the panties but guys in pantyhose getting fucked in the ass by a woman with a strap-on...thats stupid!
11.12.07, Category: Why?
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Grow Up!
It seems that there is a niche market for adults that dress up as babies and get off on it. Does anyone find that disturbing? I can understand dressing up as someone else or even an animal suit, but a baby? That's more than stupid.
11.05.07, Category: Why?
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Don't Eat the Chocolate!
Warning to chocolate lovers everywhere: AVOID THIS SITE!! It's no secret that Eating the tantalizing child of the coco bean can be a powerful aphrodisiac, but these people got a little confused. Chocolate enemas and fisting sessions mixed with cums shots is not only a turn off, its just plain messy. If I were working for Hersey, I'd sue!!
10.29.07, Category: Food Fight
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Got Milk?
Yeah, we got it...we just don't want it! Pregnancy porn in general is just plain wrong, but with a name like Lactalia this bitch is taking it one step too far. Our advice? Stop pushing your 'product' and start worrying about pushing other things out!
10.22.07, Category: Food Fight
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Nasty Fat Old Slut
The title really says it all about this tiny website. Either this was a very mean attempt of getting back at someone's mother, or this woman is really into being called names...some are, and we don't judge! But either way, calling a website Nasty Fat Old Slut in an attempt to sell porn, that's just plain stupid!
10.15.07, Category: Fugly
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It's Stupid...Really!
Okay, so before you call us crazy we know that the guys on this site are pretty flippin' hot, and yeah the shoots are good too. However, the hot pink little creature at the top of the homepage makes us wonder why Pixar hasn't called asking for their latest cast member back...it's disturbing. Also, cum shots are great, but unprotect porn sex, anyway you cut it, is stupid!
10.08.07, Category: Ouch!
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Less to Love
The question, 'Does size matter?' has been heavily debated since the dawn on man. Well, according to Baby Gangsta it sure does! Just watch this 19yr old midget as he screws half the women in his state. We say, "Rock On, Baby G!" Still with a website called MidgetCum...he just can't escape the annals of Stupid Porn.
10.01.07, Category: Why?
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Eat Me!
Chocolate, strawberries, even the occasional carrot stick can be hot in the sack. This site, however, just confuses us. Titled 'foodporn.com,' it boasts categories like 'hardcore' and 'amateur,' yet we defy you to find anything hot about these images...besides the entrees!!
09.24.07, Category: Food Fight
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Say Uncle!
Whoever asked the question, "What's in a name?" had obviously not visited this website! Okay, some of the guys are hot, and we can see how a daddy figure could possibly be a turn on, but with a name like 'Uncle Lust,' this site has to be branded as Stupid Porn!
09.17.07, Category: Why?
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Smell the Roses
Roses are red, balls can be blue, I don't get this at all, do you? Not sure what is hot, or even interesting about a guy rubbing his dick on flowers, but here it is!! The guy's pretty hot, we love the tatts, but all-in-all just a little stupid. After all, pricks are great, but every rose has it's thorns!!
09.10.07, Category: Ouch!
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Shiver-Me-Timbers
This site has the best intentions in mind; it just goes a step too far. After all, who doesn't love a guy in uniform? Cops, firemen, even Burger King cashiers...something about a monk and a pirate, however, just ain't cutting it.
09.03.07, Category: Why?
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May the Force Be IN You!
Your eyes do not deceive you, that is a chick with a double sided light-saber dildo...watch her and her man saber it out as they decide who gets to be 'on top' in this surprisingly original homage to Star Wars!
08.27.07, Category: Ouch!
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Hairy Potter?
We know that millions were sadden by the end of the Harry Potter series last month, and while we eagerly await the porn version, 'Hairy Pewter,' we somehow think erotic stories about the Hogwart's alum is just plain stupid...lets draw the line somewhere!!
08.20.07, Category: Porn as a Second Language
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Hip? NO!
We've touched on hypnosis before, but these 'thugs' make it worth another visit. I'm not sure what's better: the creepy, yet shockingly artistic, trailer, or that fact that you are warned Not to Watch It Alone!!
08.13.07, Category: Why?
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Pussy-Footin' Around
Did I fail anatomy, or do my eyes deceive me? Is that a silicone foot with a vagina on the bottom? Love a good fuck, don't mind a nice pair of feet, however fucking a foot sounds painful and just plain Stupid!
08.06.07, Category: Ouch!
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Hair it is!
Not since Nicole Ritchie has a skinny blond had us more concerned! We're all about the twinks, but give them a carrot stick and diet coke first. At the very least give Rapunzel back the weave, girlfriend!
07.30.07, Category: Fugly
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Oh, MiBod!!
Just guessing, but we think the phrase 'make love to the music,' was intended for less literal interpretations than this. Besides, we're skeptical of anything that attaches to both your ears and your butt!!
07.23.07, Category: Why?
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Who's Your Mommy?
Not sure if a cat's got our tongue, or if it's a 'Dom Tranny,' but this website leaves us speechless....and frankly a tad horrified. The only thing I want from these ladies is to be Ordered not to watch!
07.16.07, Category: Fugly
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Doctor, Who?
We realize English is not Everyone's first language, but the stories on this website are so stupid, it's actually funny. Our diagnosis? Forget the anal probe...these boys need their eyes checked!
07.09.07, Category: Porn as a Second Language
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Banana Cream Pie
This brings a whole new meaning to the term "cream pie" (which for those of you who don't know is a fairly disgusting term used mainly by the straighties to describe cumming in various orifices). I like pie as much as the next guy, and I like getting fucked. As a rule though, I prefer to keep my Banana Cream pies separate from my sex life. Also, I prefer to take them orally. The health department will be all over this one.
07.02.07, Category: Food Fight
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Get Along Now Little Doggies
The guy that creates the illustrations on this site is actually really talented...and really, REALLY strange. Peruse through the different weird story boards and you'll see what I mean. There's an entire section devoted to ass sniffing guys dressed as poodles, one all about farts (actually most of them seem to be about rank ass smells in some way), and my favorite, a Tom of Finland Wild West story. The latter seems fairly normal until you get to the part where they string a guy up by his balls and take turns raping him. I have no idea why this exists, and even less of a clue as to why I sorta enjoyed it.
06.25.07, Category: Why?
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No If's, Ends or Butts
Dildos, butt plugs, vibrators....we love 'em all! By yourself, with a partner, or in groups. However, there's something about involving an engine that just makes us go...OUCH!
06.18.07, Category: Ouch!
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Meet Granny Robinson
Demi and Ashton...clearly hot. These grannies and twinks...definitely not. This page is so creepy it literally gives us the chills. Scarily enough, some of the boys are kinda hot...which makes us think, if Granny's got a chance....
06.11.07, Category: Fugly
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Seeing is Believing
Lord knows everyone needs a good jerk session every now and again, but this is just plain silly. Doubt this picture is for real, but if it is, I'm getting my eyes checked out tomorrow!!!
06.04.07, Category: Porn as a Second Language
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Have a Seat
‘Why?’ doesn't begin to cover the myriad of questions this bizarre photo evokes. Toilet seat? White makeup? Half naked chick? Check out the entire collection of utterly weird, ultimately stupid, but definitely not hot, pix on the site.
05.28.07, Category: Why?
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Dog Gets His Bone
This dog will go after any bone he can find! However his appetite for all things meaty is just one of the hilarious bloopers that comprise this video montage of the wackiest, grossest, and stupidest porn we have seen in a while!
05.21.07, Category: Animals
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30 Minutes or Less
Last time I checked, '30 minutes or less wasn't something to write home about...that's not stopping these guys! Then again sticking your dick through a circle of hot cheese isn't the brightest idea either. Perhaps these guys should stop comparing their appendages to cold cuts and realize they are just plain cheesy.
05.14.07, Category: Food Fight
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Apparently it's HOMO Simpson!
I've always had a thing for hot skater boys, but something about a bald cartoon whose head looks like the top of a shopping bag, doesn't exactly inspire ankle-grabbing. Call me crazy, but I think Bart and his friend with the mullet should stick to more wholesome activities in Springfield, and leave the fucking to us non-animated homos!
05.07.07, Category: Why?
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Jerk At Work, Fight The Man!
This janitor has been doing his job for a little too long. With the room being too hot to paint in his overalls, the dude strips down to his undies to get the job done. I don't know if he was doing for the thrill or if he was just plain bored, but the guy pulls his dick out and starts jerking off at work. It's a good thing it wasn't caught on tape...oh shit, IT WAS CAUGHT ON TAPE. SUCKS TO BE YOU BUDDY!
04.30.07, Category: Why?
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Bush's Weapon of Ass Destruction
Finally, a photo that truly captures how America feels about our current political system. Living under the regime of a conservative extremist president feels just like getting your pussy brutally ripped to shreds by two horse-hung black men - and we would know. If that girl's pussy could speak, it would speak the words - the pain - in the hearts of every American citizen. That girl's pussy IS AMERICA!
04.23.07, Category: Porn As A Second Language
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Something New Under The Sea
Here we have lots of girls getting their brains fucked out underwater by guys in Scuba gear. I especially love the strained, uncomfortable looks in their eyes, trying their best to keep their eyes open in both chlorine and seawater. I guess it really is better down where it's wetter - under the sea!
04.16.07, Category: Why?
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Pass That Dutch Baby
I like pot as much as the next guy, but I typically prefer mine without the vaguely fishy smell that I imagine most of this pot has. I'd rather see that pot plant than the other giant bush that I'm sure is going on down there I'm sure. I guess if you're a straight stoner you'll love this site. Pot and Pussy. That's what straight boys like right?
04.09.07, Category: Why?
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Creepy Little Man
I'd sooner chew off my own foot than put my dick anywhere near Baby McLadybrows here. Ugh. And what the hell is up with the rainbow umbrella and the school lunch thing going on here?
04.02.07, Category: Fugly
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My Pussy Ate My Homework
When in doubt, put it in your pussy. That's pretty much the mantra for this site. From Pineapple's to asparagus no food group or object is too sacred. If it can fit in there, its going in there. I feel for the Pineapple girl though. That takes "ribbed for her pleasure" a step too far.
03.26.07, Category: Ouch!
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A Very Naughty Habit
The Catholic Church will let just about anyone in these days. Here's a no nunsense look at what's going on behind those convent doors. Sister Mary Fuckmyass is doing her part to bring an err...giving spirit back to the community.
03.19.07, Category: Why?
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Just Plain Fucked Up
The alien from Predator fucks some ass, weird tiger people jerk off and Skeletor has a big blue hard-on. I don't need to say more than that.
03.12.07, Category: Why?
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Maskurbate With Me!
Hot guys put on bad party masks and jerk off. I don't really get the premise of this at all and the fact that I find it kinda hot just makes me want to go cut myself.
03.05.07, Category: Why?
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The Wizard of Odd
If I'd flown in a house from Kansas and landed in this guy's living room I'd probably want to go the hell home too. I will say though, that between the glitter, the Wizard of Oz Clips, and the Nancy Sinatra soundtrack, this is probably the gayest thing I've ever seen.
2.26.07, Category: Why?
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Yaba Daba Doo!
Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and get ready to give a kiss goodbye to the last bit of innocence in you. Birds do it, Bees do it, and apparently even the Jetsons do it! If you ever wanted to watch your favorite classic cartoon characters get it on (you sick bastard) then this site delivers. You can see everything here from Jane and George Jetson having robotic threeways to Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble sharing road head. Yaba daba doo!
2.19.07, Category: Why?
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Twinks From The Hood
They call this site "Twinks from the hood". The only issue I take with that is that hardly any of them seem to actually be twinks, unless twink now means what 35 year old muscle Daddy used to. If you come here looking for twinks you're fucked, but if you're looking for "hot hip-hop G's with iced out pendants" or perhaps some "phat pimps getting' down and dirty" then they've got all those "mofo's" right there for you.
2.12.07, Category: Why?
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They Never Showed This On COPS...
This site is supposed to be videos of Police officers umm "in the excess of official powers", which I gather means these are supposed to be videos of the boys in blue fucking women in the interrogation room. Hey, if the "St. Peterburg News" says it, it MUST be true right? I'm living for the bad English, its hilarious! I guess when cops aren't eating donuts they're eating street walker pussy. Who knew?
2.05.07, Category: Porn As A Second Language
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Here Cums The Bride
I don't know about you, but nothing gets my cock harder than watching a couple of twinks fucking next to a wedding cake! The copy on this site is hilarious: "You will see everything from shocking wedding orgies to joyful love games of fervent newly weds in luxury hotels." Nothing quite gets the message of wedded bliss across like close up shots of an asshole. Ahhh love. Sometimes these things just write themselves.
1.29.07, Category: Why?
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Reminds Me Of My College Years
I pride myself on having had some pretty intense sex, but not once have I ever fucked until I puked! The animal kingdom upstages me again! These two dogs are just going about their business, doing what dogs do until one gets sick and...well that other thing dogs do, usually on the carpet. Nature truly is a beautiful thing sometimes.
1.22.07, Category: Animals
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Dudes to Die for!
I like my men as stiff as the next guy, but a calendar of mortuary workers still strikes me as a little odd. It's not that the guys aren't hot, because they are. It's just that when I jerk off thinking about a hot guy shooting on me, I'm not thinking about embalming fluid. The tagline says "you'll just dig us". Creepy. Still, I'm for some reason compelled to order one of those shirts.
1.15.07, Category: Why?
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The Joy of Cola
Why throw away those old Pepsi bottles when they make for perfectly good discount dildos? And hey - why use lube when you can just spit on the fucking thing and ram it right up your ass? OUCH! This video has everything though. Flashy dancing, twinky boys, bottles up asses...but wait - there's more! The copy written for the site appears to be done by a retarded one-legged chicken dancing on a keyboard!
1.08.07, Category: Ouch!
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Baby New Year?
I understand themed photo shoots, editorial calandars, and the desire to see cute guys naked. Here is that combination with a magazine staff gone awry. Someone must have said: "Shit, New Years Eve is on the way, and we need some photos to put on our website fast." Then someone else must have suggested, "How about having a guy stick a bottle of champagne in his ass?" Then the first guy says, "Thats so played out. How about getting a model to be Baby New Year!" Stop! There is nothing sexy about a cute boy in an oversized diaper drinking juice from a baby's bottle...even with his huge uncut cock popping out. Happy 2007 kids!
1.01.07, Category: Why
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Gay For The Holidays
Ah, Christmas. If you're anything like me, you will probably reach your peak of winter depression today and end up curling up with a nice tall glass of whisky or scotch, masturbating in front of your computer all alone while trying to forget about the family that doesn't love you anymore. So naturally, I thought everybody would enjoy a little bit of campy stupidity to liven up their Christmastime blues this year.Happy Birthday Jeebus!
12.25.06, Category: Why?
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The Power Of Cock Compels You!
I guess what they say is true. The Catholic Church really is doing just about anything to get the Generation Xers (or is that XXXers?) into the church. And the nuns sure have come a long way since back in my day. In the good ol' days, the nuns would just slap your hand with a ruler if you got out of line, now apparently they'll strap on a dildo and pummel your ass harder than Tara Reid's pussy at a frat party. I'm not sure what's going on with the silver sequined fuck-me pumps. I guess the power of Christ compelled her!
12.18.06, Category: Ouch!
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Ass Bandits
The pioneers of this great country faced many hardships along that dusty trail out west. If getting robbed and ass-fucked by a couple of hot guys in chaps was one of those hardships, I don't remember hearing about it in school. Then again, the history teacher always did leave the good stuff out. "Black Mustang" and "Billy the Kid" go around seducing, robbing and butt-fucking poor little twink cowboys (specifically little white twink cowboys, they make a point of saying that again and again). I guess what Mother said was true: "If you're going to get robbed and ass-fucked in the Old West, it may as well be by a couple of muscle guys in chaps." At least that's what MY Mom always said.
12.11.06, Category: Why?
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Porn Hygiene 101
Here's a basic hygiene tip next time you show up for a porn shoot: Before going to the trouble of getting naked and tied up, please make sure there are no nasty deoderant chunks in your arm pits. Your pornographer (and your viewers) will thank you. That is all.
12.04.06, Category: Fugly
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Free DVDs For The Holidays
I am all for being generous around the holidays, but the guys at DirtyBoyVideo may have gone too far this holiday season. When you sign-up for their discounted membership package, you get three free DVDs. And no, I am not making this one up. They've lowered the price of their three-month membership fee and they're giving away not one, but THREE free DVDs. Are these guys insane or just plain STUPID?!
11.27.06, Category: Why?
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Power Tools
Anyone remember taking Industrial Arts back in their school days? Weren't there safety rules like always wear your goggles, keep your hands away from the blades, and don't sit naked on the table saw? This kid, Rex, is getting dangerously close to the sort of accident you can't explain when you arrive at the emergency room.
11.20.06, Category: Ouch!
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You Know You Love It
Some things never change. The sky will always be blue, rum will never mix with tequilla, and farts will always be funny. And thankfully, YouLoveGayPorn has started posting some of the worst (best) farting videos from around the web. Check out their small but growing collection of fart vids...
11.13.06, Category: Why?
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It's Just A Flesh Wound
I don't know about you, but nothing gets me more in the mood to suck cock than lying in a hospital bed bleeding from a gaping head wound. That's HOT! Come on guys, I know a lot of people enjoy fantasizing about playing doctor, but seriously--the bloody bandage on the head is just tacky.
11.06.06, Category: Ouch!
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Devil Pumpkin Fucker
It just wouldn't be Halloween without cheap plastic costumes, candy that rots your teeth, and a guy dressed as a devil fucking a pumpkin. Happy Halloween!
10.30.06, Category: Food Fight
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Killer Pumpkin Fucker
Yeah, cheap halloween costumes, like your bed sheet, are OK for showing up at a frat party, but isn't the point of porn to take the sheets off? Here we have some dude - albeit with a large cock - dressed up in a sheet with holes cut out for eyes, wielding a machete and proceeding to ram his dick into a pumpkin. Fucking a pumpkin is a little dirty, but there is nothing hot about threating to Bobbit with a machete. No knives in porn please!
10.23.06, Category: Ouch!
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Dude, Where's My Dick?
So here's a photo set I came across the other day that I found rather odd. This "straight" guy is trying to shove his dick into his own ass while wearing a cast on his arm. Maybe if he has already broken his arm, he should think twice before trying to contort other parts of his body into awkward positions.
10.16.06, Category: Ouch!
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Pussina, Queen of 2004
Today I must share the outtakes from the same unnamed online gay porn magazine, but this was their 2004 New Year's Celebration Shoot. These photos never saw the light till today. It's beyond clear Why. There is nothing sexy about a man who has shaved his pubes into the classic Pussy formation, prancing in a pink boa. Ughh.
10.10.06, Category: Why?
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Somebody Clue Me In
I have no idea what this kid is doing here. He's eating some kind of creamy dessert while playing with these green balls on strings and sticking them in his ass. Pointless. Stupid. Priceless.
10.02.06, Category: Food Fight
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Bringing Down The House
As many of you know, I never get tired of seeing faggots hurt each other. It's just plain ole fun! But what I love about this shoot is we have an army rebel guy beating up a skinny twink in what appears to be his grandmother's living room. Nothing says "beat me up and fuck me" like pink wallpaper and flowery curtains!
9.25.06, Category: Ouch!
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Get a PhD, not VD
Naked boy in shower is good. Big hard dick is good. Panhandling is bad. Cardboard signs are funny. Hard dick sticking through a soggy scrap of cardboard while panhandling in the shower - Stupid.
9.18.06, Category: Why?
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Twinks For Cash
I'm sure most of you porn-surfers out there have stumbled upon the website Twinks For Cash before. This website plays off the idea of young guys having sex on camera for cash (which is such an original idea in porn). What you don't always realize is what kind of freak shows these kids must have sex with on camera. Hence, this guy. Whatever they paid the twink, it wasn't nearly enough to cover the therapy of having your dick sucked by this trainwreck.
9.11.06, Category: Fugly
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Phone Sex
There are a few aspects of this shoot that are questionable. The guy looks pretty whacked out on some substance. He's using the cord of an old rotary phone as a cock strangler...and then he places the disconnected phone up to his ass. Who is he talking to? Who taught him those contorted moves?
9.05.06, Category: Ouch!
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Cue The Fake Jizz
As you can probably see from the thumbnail, there are a lot of things that liquid could be on that guy's back, but cum certainly isn't one of them. I've said it once and I'll say it again: Enough with the fake cum shots, folks! I mean, this is porn. Doesn't anybody cum for real anymore?
8.28.06, Category: Why?
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Something Borrowed...
This is the funniest website from Eastern Europe I've seen this month. Just Married Gays features 2 boys, one dressed as the groom, then the other dressed in drag as the bride. They enact the entire matrimony ceremony , then fuck each other in costume. Yum, drag wedding consumation. But notice from all the free samples that each "bride" is wearing the same dress. I wonder how expensive it is to get that thing dry cleaned for each porn shoot. Best quote from the website:
"Christina used to be really ugly as a guy, but as soon as she became a woman-she surely turned into a damn fine whore! Michael was really lucky to marry this slut. His friends were fortunate to get a piece of her ass at the wedding, too! Here's to free love!"
8.21.06, Category: Porn As A Second Language
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Cock-o-dile Dungarees
I've seen photos of this Williamsburg hipster in his cowboy getup around the net recently. See a sample of photos here. Then I realized a friend of mine was the photographer of this bizarre setup. He had no explanation for why he placed this gator on the set, but he can't take credit for the way the model decides to taunt his dick at it. It is a stuffed Crocodile..or is it an Alligator?
8.14.06, Category: Animals
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Grandpa, Those Aren't Your Shoes
Oh my god, there is so much to hate about this shoot: the old man, his chubby hands, his flabby nakedness, etc. But the one thing I love is his confused expression while holding the dildo. Looks like my dad the first time I showed him what an iPod was.
8.07.06, Category: Why?
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Somebody Call A Doctor
So many questions ran through my mind upon first seeing this photo: What is that on his chest? Is that blood? Is he okay? Should I call an ambulance? As it turns out, the mystery liquid on his chest is only chocolate. Dammit!
7.31.06, Category: Food Fight
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Must Be One Of The Seven Wonders
There are some questions in life that will never be answered: What is the meaning of life? What happens when we die? How in the hell was this guy allowed to be photographed naked? I guess we'll never know...
7.24.06, Category: Fugly
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Who Stole My Stapler?
If this picture were in a different context, this guy might come across as someone halfway respectable. But not on our site. What could be a mediocre jerk off at a desk takes a turn for the worst when he sticks a huge fucking stapler in his ass. So next time you find office supplies missing, maybe it's better you not find out where they're disappearing to.
7.17.06, Category: Ouch!
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Not A Fucking Chance...
I'll say it once. You can put them in flannel and a jockstrap. You can stick a beer in their hand. You can place them in a garage surrounded by butch things like lawnmowers and leafblowers. But in the end, a faggot is still a faggot. And let's face it, all the window dressing in the world isn't gonna make this guy look straight. Look at him. He's two seconds away from deep-throating that beer bottle as it is.
7.10.06, Category: Why?
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